i know selfish-ness is a bad thing, jealousy of other people is bad too. the group of women i am most jealous of??....stay-at-home moms. its true and i almost hate to admit it. well not almost i do hate to admit it.
i think it is every woman's dream growing up to be a stay-at-home mommy. keep up on the house work, do laundry, make crafty things, make supper for her hottt husband and family, have play dates, make babies (Ted - i've wanted to have your babies every since elementary school, no joke :) can't wait to see you hold our little babe, i won't be able to take my eyes off of that sight) and once a week bible studies. at least that has been my dream even as a little girl.
these kind of desires have been rolling through my head ever since we found out we were preggs. it never leaves either. it almost makes me crazy.
the reasons for these selfish desires:
- i know it won't happen and can't happen right now in our life...being home with the babe that is. why you ask? it seems as though when you know you can't have something, you want that specific something more and more. at least thats true for me.
- i carry our insurance for our little family. insurance is too expensive to buy on our own.
- just bought a new house and make a mortgage payment monthly
- my husbands income wouldn't be able to support our growing family at this time. praying someday his buisness will expand greatly and i will be able to stay home with our kiddies.
- i just have to tell myself this is where the Lord wants me and our family at this time. in HIS time, HE may or HE may not have it be His will to make me a house wife/mother.
There's a peace I've come to know....
There's an anchor for my soul....
I can say "It is well".....
I pray for peace within my crazy brain
This song has been in my head alot this afternoon.......
(Turn the volume up!!!! #1 on the playlist baby...)
it gives me goosebumps.
so all you stay-at-home mommy's have fun with your little ones :) :) someday i pray i will join in on the fun!!! for now i have PEACE!! i am assured this is right where God wants me.